Every two minutes “another American is sexually assaulted” according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), and 44% of the victims are under 18 years of age and 80% of the victims are under 30 years old. An estimated 2/3 of the rapists are known to the victim, yet 97% of the rapists “never spend a day in jail.” With the shocking statistics of cases where the rapist is known to the victim, it is easy to understand why people may wonder why the perpetrator is never even arrested. Date rape discounts the perceived notion that the rapist is some stranger lurking behind the bushes or in the shadows of the night who overpowers the victim.

10 Facts about Date Rape

1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances. (The actual definition of date rape for legal purposes may vary from state to state, but generally involves any attempts or actual act of forcing someone to have any type of sex against their will or drugging the date so that the victim no longer has the capacity to resist or say “no.”)
2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name calling, saying you “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn’t.
3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they can not consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries a harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20-year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where the use of these drugs is suspected, evidence of rape standards are lower.
7. If you don’t want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to – despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occurring before a woman reaches age 18.
9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe – they can be raped too.
10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.
11. EXTRA FACT: Revenge porn is a real thing and is now an illegal act, punishable by fines and possible jail time.
12. EXTRA, EXTRA FACT: If digital media is shared depicting sex acts, and one participant is a legal minor, the sender just committed a crime by sending child porn and can be charged as a sex crime, meaning the sender can become a registered sex offender.

What do parents need to know/do if their child is raped?

According to experts, many date rape victims don’t immediately realize they’ve been raped. Rather, they blame a “misunderstanding” or “mixed signals” for what happened to them.

After all, the victim rationalizes, the rapist is their friend and they wouldn’t have done that if he knew they didn’t want them to. Often weeks or months pass before the victim can finally face the fact that they were been raped. There’s even a name for this common victim behavior – Date Rape Time Lag.

Date rape victims should immediately take these steps.

• Call a rape crisis hotline to talk with a counselor. If you don’t know a local number, call the national hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
• As soon as possible, get to the emergency room for a rape kit exam. Don’t shower, wash, douche, or change clothes. Valuable evidence could be destroyed.
• Call a trusted friend or relative you can talk to. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to suppress your feelings, and don’t try to ignore it.
• Call the police to report the rape. Many rapists continue to rape until they’re caught. Reporting the crime can help stop the rapist from victimizing others.
• Get counseling to help deal with the emotional trauma. If you don’t know where to go, call your local public health department. They can refer you.

CHRIS SCHAFFNER is a certified addictions counselor working with chemically dependent ’emerging adults’ and is also the founder of CONVERSATIONS ON THE FRINGE. CotF is an organization seeking creative and innovative ways to bridge the gap between the mental health community and those entities (particularly schools and churches) that serve youth in contemporary society.