I'm one of those people who just has to try new things. Kellogg's puts marshmallows in Fruit Loops, and I'm there with my bowl. Smucker's puts honey in their peanut butter, and I have a jar in my pantry the day after it hits the shelves. I've been asked to leave the Ben & Jerry's section of the grocery store more than once after accosting the box boy as he put the new flavors out on the freezer shelves.

In the last year we've seen a variety of new flavors of Mountain Dew. (I pause here and bow to the Pavlovian power of suggestion and allow you and myself to go and get one. There. Ready to continue?)

We youth workers don't, and probably never will, all approach the Scriptures in the same way. But most of us can agree about the magical properties of Mountain Dew.

So I wondered how to approach the idea of our differing approaches to spirituality with the one common factor that the majority of us share.

Differing Dew

Most grocery stores and better convenience stores now carry one or more of the following:

Mountain Dew: Code Red (carbonated wedding punch);

Mountain Dew: Live Wire (carbonated Sunny Delight);

Mountain Dew: Pitch Black (carbonated Dimetapp);

And the new Mountain Dew: Baja Blast (carbonated non-alcoholic margarita).

In an effort to bring us closer together as people of God, let us apply the Dewlike marketing principles to the Gospels we all know and love.

Jesus: Code Red 
(aka: The Gospel According to Matthew)

Like the flashing red light in the submarine movies, Matthew wants us to know the time has come. Half the book reads like someone saying “Dive, dive. Are you ready? Too late!”

Jesus: Code Red will be marketed toward the Evangelical church, shouting the Good News at the top of their lungs and then leaving you with an aftertaste like you just went to a wedding.

Jesus: Live Wire
(aka: The Gospel According To Mark)

For Mark, it's all about what's happening right here, right now. The idea that Jesus showed up barely qualifies as news. It's all good news for Mark.

Jesus: Live Wire will be a favorite of the non-denominational megachurches for its sweet taste on the lips and immediate caffeine buzz. The fact that it's also the only one with a distinctive orange taste helps delude people into believing that it's actually good for them.

Jesus: Pitch Black
(aka: The Gospel According to Luke)

With lots of thunder and lightning, this is a darker, more robust Scripture. The good doctor has a mission here. He has a sense of what this flavor will be. Even the label says “Limited Edition.”

A deeper, more cultivated palate may be necessary to appreciate the subtle nuances of this gospel, and, of course, this particular flavor isn't for everyone.

You will probably see a lot of Episcopalians and Presbyterians serving Jesus: Pitch Black.

Jesus: Baja Blast
(aka: The Gospel According to John)

This one is Jesus on an island—Jesus sitting with his feet up teaching the surfers while they take a break from the waves. John's Jesus is full of wisdom for those who want to chill out awhile and listen.

Lacking the warnings of Matthew and the intensity of Mark, Jesus: Baja Blast will be a staple for the United Church of Christ and the Universalists.

A Common Dew

But it's all one Dew, isn't it? It's not the marketing or even the fact that some flavors of Dew are only available at Taco Bell. The Dew is the thing. As youth workers, it's our common ground, our starting point.

We may approach the Dew differently. The Dew may affect each of us in different ways. We may not share our Dew the way we should, or we may fervently preach the benefits of the Dew to our charges, but one thing's for sure: it's all about the Dew.